Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Day Ten: I face the ultimate temptation

Don't worry kids, I possess far more resolve than Bill. While he sins and then begs forgiveness, I stand by the JWE!
The Temptation: The Big E, a local exposition featuring Bill's three favorite things: slabs of fat ladden meat, barnyard animals, and carnie folk. We headed ther last night for our yearly pilgrimage. It was instantly clear that my burden was large:

Not to fear, I simply asked myself , "What would Joel do?" This was especially useful when my family tempted me with this years big E culinary taste sensation "The Craz- E Burger":

Remember Bill...Just Say No, embrace the JWE

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Day Nine: It's time to weigh in!

It's been a week and it's time to report back...I can say that i am two pounds lighter after one week living the JWE...

Monday, September 28, 2009

Day Eight: Matthews Rants Against Gardner

One week into the JWE and I am a bit cranky.

I lay down my rage against Billy Gardner:
Why?? The answer is obvious... a complete lack of couth. Bad enough that he spends the weekend glorifying the very things the JWE rails against. Bad enough that he is to blame for my lack of caffeine, but to tease me all weekend by sending me pictures of his sinful repasts? Unconscionable! He sent this little beauty with the comment "So good"

Given that Bill had the weekend off and will be off the experience next Sunday, I propose a seven day extension after next Sunday. This way Bill can experience a full seven days in a row on the JWE.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Day Seven: Kim Back? Bill Returns?

A frantic call from my sister Kim, alerted me to the fact that she suffered a brief relapse Friday night, but is back! Bill should be back on plan as well. He did email one more picture. I call it "Decadence II".

My secret weapon, the vegan bar at Whole Foods. Actually very good. I was insulted by the Deli counter lady when she asked if I wanted to try the ham I was buying for the kids. I actually looked at her as if she was crazy and replied with a firm "NO!" Maybe this whole thing has changed me in ways I am afraid to explore??

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Day Six: Bill goes hog wild, Kim's out, Skip & Chris remain pure

As is often the case with a new recruit given a little R&R, Bill has gone a tad over the top. I call this picture Decadence.

Careful Bill, or you'll end up looking like Ruth of Ruth's Diner!!

Meanwhile, Kim, the legitimate vegetarian, lasted two days! I guess the allure of a glass of wine and a block of cheese was too much. I am a bit disappointed.

The good news...Chris and myself remain chaste. I am actually on the way to Trader Joe's and Whole Foods ( my secret weapons) . Joel, try to find those stores in Fernie!!

Finally, a moral question. Although I resisted, I was tempted by McDonald's Fries. Although technically within the scope of the guidelines, does eating these violate the spirit of The Joel Whalen Experience? Joel, I am looking for guidance ...

Friday, September 25, 2009

Day Five: Bill gets a weekend pass

That's right. Bill's superior officers granted him a furlough. Don't fret, he has a valid excuse and clearance from his highest ranking officer (his wife Angie). She has suprised him with a secret trip to Salt Lake City to visit the sites made famous on Food Network's Drive Ins, Diner and Dives. Stop #1 is pictured here. Happy Anniversary!

This Means, for Bill, the challenge has been extended an additional two days. Meanwhile, the rest of us remain chaste and pure reveling in alll things JWE.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Day Four: Bill muddies the waters

Time to clear a few things up...

1. Yes there are a few adjustments to your system as the JWE takes effect. This is the result of the poison you have ingested for years. Celebrate the differences!

2.Have an unending urge to pee or a constant need to evacuate your bowels??A few more trips to the bathroom can simply mean more "me" time!

3.If you are concerned with a new poo color, try beets. A few beets will surely color your world in a different way.

4. Anyone can join this cause in any way they see fit. The number of converts is now four. Experience the JWE in your own way!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Day Three: Gwynn's Caffeine Folly

A Bee stings once, but my headache marches into day three. This Gwynn induced folly has turned this native restless. Other than that, a lot of nuts, quinoa, kamut, veggies, fruit, herbal tea, and strange looks. Feels really good.
Nobody understands! I did convince my sister to do the experience. She is already mostly vegetarian, but the no caffeine rule has her pissed. I told her not to blame Joel, but to blame Chris Gwynn for this idiotic variation. Better idea, blame Billy Gardner. That seems to work best!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Day Two:

Feeling good. Definite adjustment to the system.
Jonesin' for caffeine! Not quite ready for the Vegan Meat Alternative!

Monday, September 21, 2009

Don't forget the weigh in.

I jumped on the scale this morning to create a point of reference. I'll update my progress as the JWE progresses.

Day One:

Feeling alright, oh yeah...

After a 17 hour travel day, jet lag, and an early wake up, I really wanted a coffee.
I resisted and am happy. so far fruit, soy nuts, and the infamous English Cucumber.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Basic Rules and guidelines

The first phase of the Joel Whalen experience involves diet.

The rules are simple:
1. No animal products. That means no beef, chicken, fish, eggs, dairy, etc...
2. No Alcohol
3. No Caffeine

The Experience starts Midnight September 20th, 2009

The minimum experiental phase lasts two weeks.

That's it.

Remember: A bee stings once!